I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize