I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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