just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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