Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
