Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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