oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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