I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
