i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
