i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
