how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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