Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
