I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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