FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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