i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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