some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
