The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
