are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
