I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my shit smells like andre
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
