so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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