just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
