Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
