if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
