marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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