The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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