did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
