I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
