who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
