Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
