This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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