I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
