Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
