oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
