My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
