How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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