if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
