It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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