guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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