have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
