So drunk its hurt
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
