just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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