I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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