Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
