Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
