Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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