genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
wow bdsm is so cute
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
