Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
