I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize