i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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