jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
