i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
