I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
