Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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