I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
