Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
babies were throwing up all over the place
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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