I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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