Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
