Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize