420 ftw
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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