Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
