1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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