Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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