I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
