i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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