Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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