I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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