oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
