Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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