Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
only you would photoshop your dick
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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