just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
