Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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