Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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